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jueves, 15 de enero de 2009

como comportarse en una cena de empresa




Los diez mandamientos del saber estar

1) Todo lo que usted pueda recordar es porque no ha bebido lo suficiente:

Lo primero y esencial es quedar unos minutos antes con los compañeros en un lugar de concentración. Se rompe así el hielo fuera de la jornada de trabajo. Una "copitas" y... a rajar de lo mamón que es su jefe.

2) Lo que se come se cría:

Cuidado con lo que se ingiere en estas fechas. Además de vigilar los dulces, el alcohol, el tabaco y las sustancias sicotrópicas, cuando nos disponemos a consumir carne, se debe pedir el árbol genealógico del plato, sobre todo si es de vaca, acompañado de controles de sanidad certificados. No olvidarse firmar documentos acreditando que la cena corre a cuenta de la empresa y ella es la única responsable...por si las moscas.

3) Que no decaiga la fiesta:

Se deben consensuar los posibles lugares donde proseguir la fiesta "antes" de la comida, ya no sólo por lo que se pueda comer (véase punto 2) o beber (siempre en exceso) sino por sus resultados. Esto debe reducir el margen de error a la hora de escoger lugares poco apropiados. Y sobre todo no dejar elegir el lugar al gracioso de la empresa...siempre nos puede jugar una mala pasada.

4) Guardar las composturas:

Aunque parezca una contradicción con lo comentado hasta ahora, ni el grupo, ni la situación deben "hacer al hombre". Ante todo somos personas individuales, y un desmadre generalizado no da derechos a faltas de cordura...podemos meter la pata (u otras cosas).

5) La seguridad ante todo:

Si el punto anterior no se puede llevar a cabo (que es lo más probable, porque si no, no se describen los puntos 1 y 2), se debe intentar al menos una mínima seguridad. Evitar sobre todo documentos gráficos comprometedores (en especial esa gente que vive pegada a una cámara fotográfica o de vídeo).

6) Medite sus comentarios a desconocidos:

A estas alturas no se coordina. No haga comentarios de su empresa a desconocidos, en especial si se propone ir al baño y es hombre (lugar sagrado donde todos los hombres se hacen amigos y reconocen que las comparaciones son odiosas...las de sueldo, también). La competencia puede que haya organizado otra cena. Sea una tumba y no raje delante de desconocidos...usted siempre "a lo suyo".

7) No olvide a la familia:

Si se es acreedor de una familia y ve que la cosa se desmadra en demasía, no olvide tranquilizarla, también es importante. Llame para recordar que todo "va bien" y mienta, si es necesario...una mentira piadosa no es pecado.

8) El final de la fiesta:

El caballero sabe retirarse (en estos casos nunca a tiempo) dignamente, así que deje esos "juegos" y recuerdos de post-fiesta para otro día... más vale una retirada a tiempo que una cagada para toda la vida.

9) El alcohol, de amigo a enemigo:

Ya lo dice la Dirección General de Tráfico: cuidadín, cuidadín, hay amores que matan. Así que si bebe, no "conduzcaz"... las cosas, como en windows **, nunca son tan fáciles como parecen.

10) El día después:

Por supuesto, todo lo que se hace tiene un precio. Y siempre existe un día después en el que la realidad le devuelve a cada uno a su sitio. Estas cenas son una vez al año, y si no medimos los anteriores puntos de forma adecuada, tendremos que cargar con las consecuencias hasta la siguiente vez (donde será casi imposible desquitarnos, pues el hombre es el único animal que tropieza dos veces en la misma piedra).

En función del comportamiento se pueden entender varios "días despues":

a) El día después "provechoso":

Usted estaba ahí. Ha guardado la compostura, pero sus jefes no. Sáquele provecho...las oportunidades las pintan calvas.
(Recomendación: no sea bocazas y no lo comente con sus compañeros de trabajo, eso puede crear envidias).

b) El día después "eterno":

¿No podía evitarlo?. Ha dado la nota y ahora debe pagar. Sus jefes han tomado medidas extremas. Dedíquese a otra cosa y véalo por el lado bueno...tiene muuucho "tiempo
libre".

c) El día después "denigrante":

En cierta medida se ha intentado, pero claro, un día es un día. Menos mal que sus jefes no tienen ni idéa de lo que ha hecho. Eso sí, tendrá que vivir con su pericia. Se encargarán sus compañeros de recordárselo, de nada vale ahora "esconderse". Apechugue con las consecuencias...no sea cobarde y de la cara.

d) El día después "desmedido":

Es una variación del "denigrante" que seguramente desemboque en "eterno"...¿a quién se le ocurre?.


Estos diez mandamientos se resumen en uno:

"Cuidado con lo que haces, delante de quién lo haces y a quién se lo haces...la verdad está ahí fuera y siempre sale a la luz."

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